On Being Nice to Myself

The main reason I started this blog was to remind myself that everything counts. Even though something may not get "done", whatever work I did counts and is good and valid and worthwhile.

I have this habit, you see, of having VERY productive days and going to bed feeling depressed and defeated because it didn't get DONE!! I could do 3 loads of dishes (by hand; we don't have a dishwasher) and 7 loads of laundry (that I have to hang on the clothesline because our dryer is broken), run errands, help the kids with their homework, fix dinner, and on and on and on, and STILL think that the whole day was wasted because there's still dishes to do. Or laundry. Or errands. Or making beds. Or cleaning the bathroom (which hasn't seen a mop in months). And on, and on, and on.

Therefore! The purpose of this blog is to catalog all the things I did today from getting my husband to work on time, to getting the kids to bed on time, and all the stuff in between. All day, every day. Theoretically. Because I hate turning on the massive time suck that is the computer. But, I'm working on that too. That's my motto: "I'm working on it".

I suffer from Perfectionism Poison. It's a nasty, vile poison that seeps into your brain and whispers to you that you're no good and worthless because you didn't get it "done". Sometimes, when it's feeling especially fiesty, it will shout, "YOU SUCK!!". Fortunately, there is an antidote. All you have to say is, "Nevertheless, I forgive myself and will continue to move forward, complimenting myself for what I have done and appreciating myself for the person that I am. I have unique strenghts and talents that I am using to help my family, and myself, to grow and to become more like the people that we want to be, not what other people think we should be." Say it whether or not you believe it! Accepting yourself is the hardest thing, ever. Because if you can't truly love and accept yourself then you can't truly love and accept others.

I've been challenged to truly fall in love with myself. To see the wonderful person that I am and all of my good qualities. To look at myself and think, "Gee, I'd really like to be her friend!", and mean it. To know that I'm doing the best I can and that it's wonderful. To not listen to the poison say that I'll do better tomorrow, because what I did today was great and worthy of praise and reward. To make peace with myself and stop fighting the battle within. To play nice. If that's what it takes to progress, then so be it. I am ready to love myself so that I may love humanity.